CATCHING OUR BREATH:
A Journal About Change for Women Who Smoke
Chapter 1:
ABOUT THIS JOURNAL
Catching Our Breath is written for women who smoke, and who long to be free of the habit. And it is written for women who don't want to quit but are thinking about reducing the amount they smoke. It is also written for women who are simply curious about the place of tobacco in their lives.
The desire to change is a powerful force. It compels us to examine our lives and raises interesting questions. Why did we start to smoke? What purpose does smoking serve? Can we learn to live happily without our cigarettes? Does quitting smoking really matter? Catching Our Breath can help women explore these questions.
There are many reasons why women smoke and why it's hard to quit. The burden of living with poverty, violence, worry and grief can send us rushing out to find some solace. Smoking can feel like a sanctuary in a world unfriendly to women. Even when our lives are stable and calm, smoking seems to ease the tedious moments and offer a pleasant escape.
For many women who wish to quit, it is lack of confidence that holds us back. Perhaps we are discouraged by failed attempts to quit smoking in the past, or overwhelmed by the demands in our lives. Maybe we believe we've been smoking too much for too long to quit. Catching Our Breath is based on the truth that each of us has the potential to make changes despite the many forces that keep us smoking.
No matter who we are, we can unearth the roots of our addiction and cultivate healthier habits. But Catching Our Breath isn't about becoming "pure." It's about being honest with ourselves and realistic about what cigarettes can and cannot give us. It's about getting strong and well enough to live a life of our choosing — a life in which we don't need addictions to cope.
Catching Our Breath is based on the belief that every woman's life is precious and therefore worth the time and effort it takes to quit smoking. There are several suggestions in this journal on how we might do this. Take whatever time you need to explore these ideas. Hopefully, the book is written in a way that will help you feel as though you are in a conversation with other women who smoke. It asks you to listen and also to respond to the ideas.
The path of the book starts with a description of a few habits or practices. We use this word because it is rich with meaning. A practice is "a custom, a ritual, a predictable act with predictable outcomes or a way of being." Practise also means to do something repeatedly in order to get good at it. You could say that smoking is a practice that we've practised!
The book begins with the idea of practices for a couple of reasons. First, we will use two of the practices — relaxation and writing — to gather our thoughts and respond to ideas in the book. These practices will help us to "get at" what's behind our smoking. You can think of them in the same way an archaeologist might think of the different tools she uses to uncover a treasure buried deep in the earth. If she only used a shovel, she would miss many small treasures. It's similar when we explore our smoking habit. We don't want to miss discovering something that's keeping us hooked. Relaxation and writing practices are gentle ways of uncovering what can't be found by reading, talking or thinking.
The second reason we start the book with a description of the practices is because all of the practices help build our confidence to make changes. They open us up to the possibility of becoming non-smokers and offer some alternatives to smoking that we can practise while we read the book and learn more about quitting.
Before we move toward understanding our personal addiction to smoking, we will look at the history of tobacco. In Chapter 3 we trace the shift from the traditional use of tobacco in Native culture to addictive use in society and learn who smokes today.
In Chapter 4 we begin the process of understanding our addiction to smoking by reviewing the history of tobacco in our own lives. We explore some of the reasons we were attracted to smoking in the first place. Once we get a sense of how and why we created our relationship with the cigarette, we can start to think about changing it. In Chapter 6 we discuss change: how we've dealt with change in the past, some common stages we go through as we make changes and a suggestion for a new way to prepare to quit smoking, called the Smoker's Wheel of Change.
Each following chapter discusses the ways we use smoking in our lives now and suggests alternatives to bring us closer to stopping smoking. The last three chapters are more specific about what it means to let go of our cigarettes, how we quit, and how we stay off cigarettes. Some of the suggestions are ideas from popular smoking cessation programs. Others are unique. Each chapter ends with a relaxation exercise, followed by one or two journal questions.
You can work with this journal intensively over a week, or slowly for many weeks. It's entirely up to you to determine the pace the feels right. It may take some time to get into the habit of using a journal. One way to help this process is to leave it in sight as much as possible. You may want to carry it around with you.
If some of the ideas feel new or strange to you, try not to reject them immediately. It could be that you need time to think about them. It's important to keep an open mind and to ask that part of you that might be saying "Oh this won't work!" to be silent. Developing new habits takes time and patience. It helps to maintain a sense of humour and to be gentle with you. Remember, you can always adapt the ideas so they feel more like your own.
And the ideas don't just apply to quitting smoking. They are more than techniques for stopping a troublesome habit. No matter what our decision is about giving up cigarettes, we could all benefit from practices (such as writing and relaxation methods) which help us deal with stress, increase our self-awareness, honour our bodies and invite more peace and joy into our lives.
But most important, the suggestions in this journal are guided by the belief that every woman is the expert on her own life. Just as each woman has her own reasons for smoking, each - in her own time — will have her own ways of quitting and reasons for staying smoke-free. The ideas in this journal are intended to act as supportive and inspiring companions, encouraging women to believe in our ability to change and affirming our unique ways. Our desire to change can transform into action. Good luck!
Support
Getting support is one of the most important factors in quitting smoking and staying off cigarettes. Whether we like it or not, the people in our lives have a powerful influence on who we are and the choices we make.
Take for example the experience of learning to smoke. We were probably in the company of at least one friend when we had our first cigarette (more on this in Chapter 4). And the behaviour was modelled for us by friends or family members for several years before our first attempt at smoking. If we lived in a smoky environment, our bodies were learning to deal with cigarette smoke, slowly growing accustomed to its effects.
We were shown how to smoke by watching others. We were offered reasons to smoke by the tobacco advertisers and the media (more on this in Chapter 3). We learned when and where to smoke by listening to the reasons of others or by watching them. In other words, we were very supported in starting to smoke.
If you don't believe you were influenced by society to smoke, try to imagine how you would have, as a young teen, thought of taking up this habit all on your own. No advertising, no friends or family smoking, no talk or images of smoking in the media — just packs of cigarettes at the store waiting to be bought. Would you have purchased them and persisted in smoking all by yourself?
Just as it would have been extremely foreign to be a young smoker in a world where no one smoked, it's just as tough to quit without the support of others. It's tougher still if everyone in your life smokes.
It's tremendously important to seek out friends and allies who will encourage the part of us that wants to make changes. Speaking with others about their experiences of smoking and quitting can normalize what we are experiencing. We can gather strength from their successes and learn from their mistakes. "Never-smokers" can show us that it is possible to be an interesting person and to live without ever wanting or missing cigarettes. By watching them, we can pick up ideas about what a person can do instead of smoking.
The people we choose to approach us for support must believe in our ability to make changes and take a non-blaming approach to helping us. In fact, no support is better than "help" from a critical, moralizing or opinionated person — relatives can be the worst. Studies have shown that women tend to be more supported by female friends than they do by their male partners. The opposite is true for men trying to quit. They report receiving a lot of support from female partners and not as much from male friends. Women's socialization has taught us to be skillful at offering practical alternatives, such as back rubs, and tolerating the mood swings of others. Society's expectations discourage us from showing so-called negative emotions and putting our needs first. These differences could account for why men generally say they find quitting not so hard while women frequently say they feel thwarted in their efforts.
Even if you are fortunate enough to have a partner in your life who is great at supporting you to make changes, it's still worth clarifying what kind of help you want to quit smoking. You don't need the stress of arguing about this while you are in the midst of withdrawing. Sometimes our partners are so happy at the thought of us quitting smoking that we can't bear to tell them that we've relapsed or changed our minds. It's important to be upfront that this is your change and that you need to do it your way — even if that means risking your partner's or friend's disapproval.
Take the time to think about what support means to you. How do you want to be supported as you begin to make the change from smoker to non-smokers? If you don't want to tell anyone about your plans to make changes or about using this journal, that's fine. But if you take this route you have to be especially careful to take care of yourself and to avoid difficult situations. Don't underestimate the power of your environment to undermine your intentions.
If You Want to Work with Others
There are three ways you can use this journal. You can read it on your own (following the exercises at your own pace), work with a partner, or work with the support of a group. A facilitator's manual has been produced to guide you through working with a group and is available through Women's Health Clinic (the address and phone number are printed at the back of this journal). The manual includes suggestions on how to find women to join a smoking cessation group and offers ideas and information on how to run it. Catching Our Breath support groups have been facilitated in many provinces in Canada since 1989. To find out if the Catching Our Breath program is being offered where you live, contact Women's Health Clinic.
Working with a Partner
If you decide to work with a friend, it's important to choose someone with whom you can keep in contact easily. It will be important that you can call one another often and meet in person once a week. Your partner should have ideas similar to your own about smoking and quitting. For example, if she feels quitting is just a matter of "will power" and you believe there are many other reasons why women don't quit, you could have trouble supporting each other. Your partner should also be a smoker, although it's possible to work with a woman who has already quit smoking.
Another block to working well together may occur if your buddy has a very different lifestyle from yours. If you are on social assistance, struggling to raise children on your own, and your partner is single and working full time outside of her home, you will need to acknowledge and bridge your different experiences with quitting. Support is the most important reason to work with another woman. The more you can relate to each other, the more likely it is that you will be able to support each other.
When you choose a partner, you should meet before you begin working with the journal. At the meeting, take time to talk about the following:
- What are my goals?
Do I really want to quit smoking or do I just want to begin thinking about quitting? It's okay to not commit yourself to quitting. Let each other know what your goals are, so that you don't impose false expectations on each other.
- How do I want to be supported?
Some women will just want to be heard as they go through the quitting process. Other women would prefer to have a back rub and a cup of tea rather than talk. State how you think you would like to receive support. Don't worry if things change. You may be surprised at how much you need to talk, even though you never thought of yourself as a talker in the past.
- What are my fears?
Speak as honestly as you can about your fears about working with a partner. Opening up to another person can be frightening at first. Talking about our fears is the first and most important step in making ourselves feel safe. Failure is a big fear for lots of women. Some women find it helpful to write down their fears along with suggestions for what to do about them.
- What kind of support can I offer my partner?
It's good to make a short list of ways you can support your partner. Writing out a list can clarify and affirm the different ways you and your partner provide support.
- What if I need to change the partnership?
You may find that you can no longer continue working together. It will be important to let each other know right from the start that it's okay to end the partnership. Sometimes we find out we're just not ready to work with the journal or that we prefer to work alone. Decide at the start not to make the other person feel bad or guilty for ending the partnership.
- When and where will we meet?
To avoid confusion and to establish consistency, you will need to decide on a regular meeting time and place. You may want to rotate homes or you may find a separate place to meet. Decide whether or not it will be okay to have children present, if you need a quiet place, etc. Also decide how long your meeting will be. It's very important to make your meeting times as pleasant as possible. You can do this by making sure you have a clear place to work (even if it is just the size of your kitchen table) and a few snacks to share. Some of the exercises require music, so you will need to have a cassette player or stereo nearby.
- How many pages or sections of the journal will we cover each week?
Decide how quickly or slowly you want to cover the material in this journal. It's okay if you change your minds about this later on. The important part is to make sure that there isn't a conflict between your expectations. If one of you wants to move very slowly and one of you wants to move rapidly through the journal, you could be setting yourselves up for disappointment. It's impossible to decide how everything will flow before you actually start using the journal. Allow yourselves the time and flexibility to change things if they don't work as planned. Keep your sense of humour, and remember that you can improvise.
